I left the prom night venue with a regretful heart just like that... also jealous of others that aren't leaving yet that could have a chance to take a picture with you :( The rest of the week just felt suckish after prom because of me being all cowardly, missing the probably one and only chance i could have taken another picture with you outside school related clothings. Truthfully speaking, i was afraid of losing you to one of my own brothers because i knew he is definitely better than me in all aspects and that way of thinking made me and him less close and i don't blame anyone else because it was my own fault for thinking that way. Friday, 4 January 2013, i had the urge to ask whether were you free on Saturday because i wanted to go to the Poly open houses with you (To hopefully spend time with you again) but i thought to myself "How would I, feel like if theres this person that liked me but i didn't have any feelings for her keeps on trying to ask me out? Irritated i guess." And so i didn't even try and i hope it was the right choice. The way i text is also different now. In the past, i would talk about almost everything with you but now ? I just can't. I clearly understand that in order not to ruin the mood of others, i shouldn't talk to them too much. In short, i just think im not good enough for anyone. My head tells me to not irritate and pester you too much through texts but my heart just keeps on screaming at my hands to TEXT HER ! TEXT HER NOW ! Honestly, i read the tumblr not because im stalking (at least im not reading in with that mindset), but because i really want to know how are you doing sometimes, how you feel, whats going on with your life while not asking you all that seemingly stupid questions through texting. On my end, i am wishfully hoping that you would read this but i am also afraid that after reading all these, you would just want to stay away from me more, which isn't what i really wanted. Now, i just want to become the type of friends we were back in 2011, friends that didn't have the fact that one already confessed to the other, standing in the way of our friendship. I am constantly telling myself that its better to lose a crush but not a friend, which is why i am pulling myself through all this emotional pain to try and be the friend you could talk to, ask out for a chat when you feel down, again... This sums up how i felt, what i went through for the past 2 years after we started talking. Again, i want to say that i don't want these 2 posts to ruin your mood and our friendship. I just wanted a place for me to finally unload all these held up feelings. I would really feel like its the end of the world if i lose another friend, especially such a nice and sweet friend like you :( I'm sorry, truthfully sorry, if i am just being a pest to you, a irritating person that used to be your friend. Back to the topic, i really need a sign that you want to talk to me because all these guessing of how you feel really hurts as i don't want my guessing to put me on the wrong path and start overthinking again. This is finally the end and, again Im sorry.