The Impossible Someone

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Phew. Busy Busy year it has been and will be for another probably 2 more weeks before i can kick back, relax and maybe try again... So far in my life, this year, 2012 has been the most dramatic, tearful and depressing year. Stuff happened, friends distanced themselves from me, me fucking things up with some people. I don't know why all these happened THIS year instead of last year :\ Revisions for Os has been kinda good so far :) The only demoralising paper so far was that piece of shit science practical few weeks back. I was so darn confident about practicals until that day.. Broke down once i reach home. Next day i was said to "Yesterday you went home early ah ?" "Luckily you never stay or else you would be damn angry for sure." Bro its okay :) Even if its more than that, you're still better :) Oh well luckily i didn't over think again.. But after that day, everything was back to normal, me feeling down everytime i get that image of my used-to-be bro having a good time chatting with you. Jealousy maybe ? Who knows ? Even I don't. Scrolling through my posts i realise how much I, have changed as compared to last year. I was so damn happy, cheerful, hanging out with friends and stuff but this year ? Me being all emo-ish, worried about losing things and people that were and will still be important to me, messing up friendships with others. I don't blame others for leaving, distancing themselves from me because hey, i ain't a great person to be with ANYWAY. Its not like my attitude is ALWAYS great, my temper ALWAYS under control. I flare up so damn easily, THAT I know but as compared to Primary School, i've got some self-control now. Friends, both from WestWood and Poly, have been telling me "Its time for you to give up and move on since the other party seemed like not interested in chatting" but i would just brush it off. Hate it when they make it sound like i am wasting my time on the other party... it just pisses me off so much, i don't know why. A few others would say "WHY DIDN'T YOU WAIT TILL END OF THIS YEAR ?" That i have no comment. I was drunk the first time so... yea. The 2nd time was because i thought to myself "since i've already said it before but due to embarassment i showed that i didn't mean it, i'll say it again, this time fully SOBER" but fuck no. I just have to be so impatient.. These few weeks i wasn't able to sleep due to some weird problems when lying down but also, because i was visualising so many scenarios (only that i wasn't in it) which totally killed me inside. Now people are obviously preventing themselves from getting too close to me again because probably im way too persistent that i became a pest. Again this is just my thoughts, me probably overthinking again. Le Sigh.. Keep telling myself whats not meant to be, won't ever be but i just can't stop. WOW LENGTHY POST AFTER A YEAR EH ? LOL. Bet this would make up for it :D I just want to say that when you're down, please remember that i'll be there, as a friend, lending a listening ear to you. Don't feel down and out again because its kinda painful to watch my friends being that way and i can't comfort them properly with texts or calls but he/she isn't willing to come out for a talk. And bro, if you're serious, go for it, because you're better than anyone and you deserve someone like that. If you're not, you better don't let me find out because i really don't want to spoil our brotherhood any further. I sound like im giving up already but NO. I'll still continue to care, only as a friend, not as much as caring for a crush.

OnlyImpossibilties :'( 10/28/2012 06:39:00 PM;